back with connections

Well I was given a new laptop!!! YAY & THANKS!!!!

So I haven't been blogging, cause I didn't want my info compromised...I'm trying to be real secretive with this whole my online big azz mouth...twitter ain't cutting it...my fake name is well known...

well...alots been brewing, I actually don't know how long it might take me to get back into the stream of writing or where I might begin...

I'll think on it, but I'm sure I'll have something to say again soon

two weeks later, still distracted

I'm still partaking in my same distraction...I was about a week from not participating, but then I went back...going back is a situation that I been repeating...just goofy, I know...
I cooked today, boy did I cook, feeling kinda domesticated been talking to a man that I been wanting to talk to for a minute...it would be nice to cook for a man like i did today, when i woke up I cooked a great breakfast and then crawled back into bed, woulda been so nice tohave someone to crawl in with...but it is what is it...
i haven't been working on my self for one lick and i must get to that...that's dumb not to...so if i stop with number one then i will definately complete number two...so since one is impeding two, two must be one and one must go...
goodnight!

distracted

I'm sooo distracted lately...like I don't know what to focus on...I can say I am keeping up with school. I'm on week 4 at my school and week 3 at the cc
I'm sad, I'm frustrated, I'm irritable, I'm irritating, I'm lonely, I'm an asshole, I haven't been to the gym...I'm extremely happy, I'm blessed beyond belief, I'm loved
that's my whole thing right now, I'm scattered all over the place...but today I'm going to focus that school is going well...the house hunt...now that is who knows? I think part of my distraction is coming from not wanting to think about the house hunt when a house is all I've thought about for soooo long it was close and then it was far, I haven't talked to anyone re a house in over 2 months...I feel discouraged but I should just get the black and white of the situation....
maybe I should just make a list and take care of what I need tooo I gotta stop being distracted
I MUST get my focus on my fitness...my whole life needs it...
goodnight love you

participating in this race

I'm in it, the rat race I'm a willing participant putting my all forward and I'd like to win or place so high that people know me...It begins inside, embracing me ~ that's what I'm learning, regardless of what anyone might have or anything; they deserve it and so do I, it will come to me when I am ready for it....
I'm thankful for the Memorial Day I just spent, actually this weekend was really good, I worked the graveyard so I got to spend my weekend with my peeps....so blessed and I'm thankful for my blessings.
I've a busy weekend planned. I want to get this room together and go buy a vaccum...I have plans for lunch and I wanted to get my hair dyed if we can get together before I gotta get back to work...
Been to the gym 4 of the last 5 days and that's what I'm talking about...gotta get it, I'm back on food and I'm going to make something vegetarian for myself for this week, I ate meat this weekend, but I was mindful and dind't overindulge tooo much, I'm trying to keep a under my daily calories and gradually move up and I think I'm doing that...
RIP to my Grandpa a retired Air Force Man...thankful for your service and today we honor you and those like you, I miss you and love you...
goodnight, heading to rest in a mindful, thankful, happier, most embracing of self, situation...embrace the positive!

still going...

today I was discouraged....I wanted to quit, and I actually might make tomorrow my last day...this is HARD and not only that but I want to have a drink on Friday night at the SATC party with the girls, and I can't do that on lemonade alone, fruits and veggies YES, lemonade NO! I wanna do that, but geeze I wanna finish - today is day 7 and I won't be done til Thursday so that means that I can eat fruit and veggies on Sunday and geeze because of other things in my life, I wanna quti...but I don't want to be a quitter...

Delima, delima...that's what I'm facing...

I will awaken and decide...

cleansing, understanding

it really hit me in the face that everything you've been through does shape you. it's not baggage, it's your steppping stone. it's shaped you for better or for worse so now I have to learn how to use that step to the best place for all of your feelings and emotions...cryptic and probably not very clear, but it's all I got right now.

I denied my sis a chore...I'm tired, I've been cleansing and I'm on day 4. I switched shifts and tomorrow I'm able to sleep in and I'm taking the opportunity. sorry I had to and I hope my selfishness doesn't cause you too much grief.

day 4 of cleansing is ok. I think I got a little emotional earlier. mean customers and big D might have gotten to me a little. I'm glad it was over and out quickly. I denied big D my business today (even though I don't have any LOL) and he says he gets it, I hope he does.

cleansing has been ok, I'm working it out I can't believe it's been 4 days of me having the same thing everyday and it's just one thing and it's perfectly made and I'm over it...tomorrow is day 5, it'll be downhill from there and for that I am soooo THANKFUL!!!!!

I'm feeling a little fearful, but I'm trying not to let it get in my world. I have to keep prayerful.

goodnight day 4 of the cleanse tomorrow is the halfway point! I know I'm going to keep up my lifestyle choices after this, this was hard...tomorrow starts the gym.

I need to embrace it

What is it?? it is being single....

I embraced it when I was painfully raw from my break up, then I started getting over it, and now I just need to embrace it. Obviously I'm not going to be with anyone for some time, so I gotta get on the good foot...it happens when you aren't looking, it's not yours to make, let God bring someone in your life....

I hear them and on some level I believe it, but seriously - I GOTTA EMBRACE IT....you're single...and until your husband is revealed you obviously need to be...

Today I'm over homeboy I gave my number to last month that never called but still flirts with me endlessly. I try & keep it even, I guess I just have to embrace, that I'm single, nothing moving there....so keep it even, no more flirting (I mean, why for?), so I guess homeboy is busy or otherwise engaged, so I ain't even thinking anything is happening there...

Big D...that Ninja went to the left today...asking me how much is an iPad...I say around the ballpark I think the thing is in, he says can I get him one...that throws no bells cause he's forever acting like we're together and I'm going to get him something...but when I say it's not in the budget, homeboy comes at me talking about I'm hurt, I've done sooo much for you...WTF?...so I say homeboy I live in the present, you need to join me here....then he says I should have gotten more from you when you were here???? what kind of crazy town is this Ninja from??? I mean seriously??? get some ish from the girl you buy Nordstroms for...when I lived with you, you had attitude if I bought myself anything & today you're going there....GTFO!!!!

So I guess the real lesson of it all is, I'm single, I'm attractive, I'm single and attractive and that's OK, one day I will find the love of my life, one day I will have an active dating life, one day...so today all I can do is embrace ME & my SINGLENESS, I'm single and it's all good....the right one hasn't been revealed YET, but it will be...until then I EMBRACE IT - no more pushing, overthinking, no more planning based on NOTHING....EMBRACE you're single life, so you can be ready for your husband....

I'm deleting my plenty of fish account tooo...I mean what for????

I love you TK, I LOVE YOU lots....God Loves you, you're family loves you...you have love...that's all you get right now and that's all you need....EMBRACE IT