self sabatoge

back at it again...been doing this all weekend!! I need to get my sexy back, my confidence back, my ME back!!!

I haven't been training or dieting, I've been putting myself in crazy man situations...I am kicking all men to tha curb, but what if my tryst shouldn't be kicked...my current lack of confidence makes me self preserve and not even go for something that i've been thinking about for a while...where's the logic?

and I been sucking on school too!!!!

I gotta get back on track, I don't know what has me acting all kinds of slackerish and loserish...but I gotta get it back!!!

HELP!!!

gotta stop letting the hormones affect me

sooooo....I been on one, had a lot of penis in my face (for lack of a better phrase, that's for the homie DDub, lol)..
so of course those girl hormones get to going with thoughts of grandeur in one direction or another and then I slow down with everyone...maybe I become not as open, but regular...with Big D of course we flat out argue, but that's to be expected

so seeing as this is the new year, my first thought was the same...kick out the old, the Big D and keep a friend...

I can't be all these people's number 2, 3 or 4 I only need to be one somebodies number 1 and only...that's flat out the bottom line, I'm not selling myself short for it...if you can't committ I gotta acquit! LMAO

ok, it's late morning i worked all night and now I'm going to sleep, I need to log 45 minutes later and I gotta get ready for the workweek get gas, groceries and whatnot!! on my grind for the vacay!!!!

scattered

so again i'm nervous that what i want and what i did meet...i thought i gave this away, it's not a testement of faith, but that pit in the bottom of my stomach when the thought creeps...it's 4 hours before the alarm will sound and i'm UP!

my mind is scattered that's why things are getting to me as they are. i must settle my whole entire freaking world...i'm a MESS and not only because of the self sabatoge, but other things that are not as they should be...i need to get on track, school, work, sewing :D

saving is my focus of the right now, i've taken lunch every day for the last 2 week +...i'm getting it in...only .6 worth this week, but man oh man i have all week to do it again :D

just totally cheered myself up :D gonna go to bed after a period of meditation and prayer...being thankful for what i have acheived in the last 2+ weeks and the focus on the more i can do and will soon be doing as second nature...MORE means alot...more taking care of business, more school focus, more over all focus, more taking care of business...MORE...you know TK

going to bed now, to dream of that which i want and the path to getting it...business, financial, savings, house, man with .......********** everthing that God brings to me that's my biggest want! just cause i want doesn't mean i'm demanding, we have to want to get, to know how to achieve to have a focus, we want jobs, we want life...<<<~~~~not too sure what took me to the left (white guilt? , lmao) silly...

goodnight

self sabatoge

my impatience and maybe a little self pity allowed me to do something i really regret...not because of the act, or the person, but because of what else i want...i want something more and something better but i cheapened it for the right now, that gave no inkling or resemblance of the want...it was something but it wasn't comfort...
i have a hard time slowing down, i want things in my time, but i can't always have it in my time...I know that the behaviour i exhibited can affect my want for more, more might not want that impatient girl...so i must become patient and always work towards the wants not the right nows....right nows are many, wants are few and far between...
thankful that i can see the lesson, it's done, the consequences may come, but i pray they do not...I know that won't happen again...patience for the future is where my mind will stay

*** in much better news, the first Monday of the New Year had me see the gym and an evening short wii workout!!! ***

what''s wrong BooBoo???

Thursday December 23, 2010

Hello…I’m Ms. TL and I’m feeling some kind a way…Haven’t been blogging and my life has dipped and dogged, nothing too exciting or too mundane. I lost a buddy from work, and gained some flirtatious fun, spent too much money, lost weight and gained weight, I need some big dolla’s for some must have’s and not to mention pay off all these dayum credit card charges…moving back and forth, back and forth…it can really muss up a plan…but it happens, ready to rebound...

I have a list of need to do’s and the most pressing involve money (of course) …I haven’t been accomplishing anything, just moving the end of the semester sucked, well I think I fell apart about thanksgiving, so maybe I should be too hard on myself, I been off track for a month (not to mention, I was trying to add to my list of lovah’s…it didn’t happen, and today I’m kinda glad for it…but that’s somethoughts for some other time) a month is not forever, but it’s a long time…it might be over a month since I last was in the gym, I’m thinking 6-8 weeks…eekkk!!!!

Ok Ms TL maybe just needed to get this off of her chest, cause now I feel really good so, I must DO! I got chores up the ying yang.

OK, I’m up and going, I’m probably not going to work tomorrow, I’m going to clean up this place and make some calls that I need to make, take care of some chores that I been neglecting.

two weeks later, still distracted

I'm still partaking in my same distraction...I was about a week from not participating, but then I went back...going back is a situation that I been repeating...just goofy, I know...
I cooked today, boy did I cook, feeling kinda domesticated been talking to a man that I been wanting to talk to for a minute...it would be nice to cook for a man like i did today, when i woke up I cooked a great breakfast and then crawled back into bed, woulda been so nice tohave someone to crawl in with...but it is what is it...
i haven't been working on my self for one lick and i must get to that...that's dumb not to...so if i stop with number one then i will definately complete number two...so since one is impeding two, two must be one and one must go...
goodnight!

distracted

I'm sooo distracted lately...like I don't know what to focus on...I can say I am keeping up with school. I'm on week 4 at my school and week 3 at the cc
I'm sad, I'm frustrated, I'm irritable, I'm irritating, I'm lonely, I'm an asshole, I haven't been to the gym...I'm extremely happy, I'm blessed beyond belief, I'm loved
that's my whole thing right now, I'm scattered all over the place...but today I'm going to focus that school is going well...the house hunt...now that is who knows? I think part of my distraction is coming from not wanting to think about the house hunt when a house is all I've thought about for soooo long it was close and then it was far, I haven't talked to anyone re a house in over 2 months...I feel discouraged but I should just get the black and white of the situation....
maybe I should just make a list and take care of what I need tooo I gotta stop being distracted
I MUST get my focus on my fitness...my whole life needs it...
goodnight love you

EXCUSES, EXCUSES...quitting on me?

I’m freaking on edge and I haven’t been doing NOTHING!! It’s a freaking shame even though I’ve been distracting myself I haven’t done anything cause I don’t know where to start…I’m a MESS

There is NOTHING I want to do, not handle my business, work, sleep, workout, see people, NOTHING...I can’t go there…I’m getting back on the get back tomorrow!!!

Saturday, work in the day…so my after work, first thing to do is the gym…Sunday, I am going to church…work later...I got this, but what if I don’t go to the gym or do any homework? What do I tell myself then? Well it’s 10:23 and today’s a wrap, so I should go to bed in the next 90 minutes, I will issue the distraction, but be sleep by midnight…Not perfect with the time, but better than today...Gotta go, goodnight

stressed to the max...

so i've been on the any excuse will do ride...just barely getting by on the statistics thing and I'm stressed...primarily because that's the situation...I've been an azz about this class kinda...and now I really don't know ish, but I gottta work HELLA hard to keep on faking it or am I learning this ish? I really don't know and I'm feeling really really sick of it....5 more weeks I can't keep up this pace...it's 10:39 currently and I'm about to have this shut down soon...face wash teeth brushed and tv off by midnight now, you know that's excellent for a girl tk...lol

I came home late out watching a movie on a Friday night...lol...I was but finishing a flick at work...and then knowing I am making a short night of it I just gave up any thought of getting any homework done....so day two out of the last 3 I haven't worked on my stats...I don't know....skrreeeecchhhh....

ok I'm over it..I've talked myself off the ledge...tonight and tomorrow night I take the nights off, tomorrow at work I'm hitting the books...Sunday night it's back to school and then it's on all day Monday...I can do this!!! 5 more weeks...I got this...there will be days off...and it's aiiighttt...

I'm so silly, maybe that's why my azz ain't been talking to anybody, I been too much in my head....I gotta get out of it, how about I take a look at my situation in 5 weeks....I CAN'T WAIT FOR MY BIRTHDAY....

GOODNIGHT, I worked that out promptly it's only 10:46pm I'm on track for sleepy time soon 5am awake tomorrow...followed by 2? parties...whew...love/hate relationship with the weekend these days....IT'S GOING TO BE AIIIGHTT...

Talking out the crazies...

Busy night, I worked on a bunch of homework….I did hit the gym today I wonder if my little alarm clock is going to work for me tomorrow…I think she might be a little hot at me right now…It’s just after 11 and I got to do my goodnight stuff…

Well today I’m not moody like yesterday. Today I was just goofy and hella talkative. I was at work crazy, talking about business models and whatnot, just chatter, chatter, chatter…

Thankfully people are nice to me….I think they all know I’m just regular crazy….not all the way crazy….

I’m going to bed…this is what I need to work on the most my bedtime, I just don’t see how it can change considering when I get home and homework and whatnot….oh the best thing….I just got myself off for the Superbowl…so I hadn’t been planning that nor anticipating it so I’m sooooo happy to have gotten the hook up!!!

So Monday I will be sewing, sewing, sewing….I want to get my bag started and finished… I’m crossing my fingers for a happy and easy project that I can make magnificent… ..maybe I’m break out the instructions again and the sewing guide…LOL…goodnight

distracted...11:15pm

I have been staying distracted but accomplishing nothing…

I have been completing courses but not really getting into them, especially that last one…that must change, I have a very involved course that begins on Tuesday. So distractions are out with the wind, and it’s about focus. I can be focused and moving all the day long as long as I am checking items off my list…

Tomorrow begins the workout, I’ve got to take my mother somewhere in the morning, I might as well hit the gym on the way home. Laundry and my mail is also on my list this weekend, I’d like to have my taxes filed and my FASFA completed.

No weekend treats of mental distractions, I’ve been out the last two weekends and tequila and I have been way too close lately...