over reacting

so I was told I over react. Hmmmm I'm feeling some kind of way about that because I think she was trying to throw shade...I can't get all emotional about it. is being emotional about a situation the same as over reacting? cause if that's the case, then maybe...

think, think, think...

Sooooo I am putting so much stock in a man currently and I don't really like that...catching feelings for that which does not deserve is forking tiring...but then I be scared to roll after soemthing that isn't tiring, but much easier to get knocked the f&^% out and probably knock some body the f&*k out...but I know I will be more satisfied, it's like I'd rather be tired than hurt, but being tired hurts tooo so wtf?
what am I fraid of? doing it wrong? scared because I could think ahundred things that wouldn't be perfect, but nothing is perfect, one is what i'm used to what i know? the other is walking out on a limb that i never seen the likes of...that's the fear but in reality it's just man women shit, so why am i sooo fucking afraid of it?
idk, I gotta go get my mind off this right now...and just remember that...#1 is gonna be number zero...i must not go to the physical of soemthing that's not working...it would be the same as the situation in January...but this time it's something that I move from because it ain't right, not cause of self preservation or FEAR! actually not or but I moved away because of FEAR!
I'm going to stop being afraid...I'm going to start praying harder, so that I can be assured...so that what is for me will be right....
goodnight...

self sabatoge

back at it again...been doing this all weekend!! I need to get my sexy back, my confidence back, my ME back!!!

I haven't been training or dieting, I've been putting myself in crazy man situations...I am kicking all men to tha curb, but what if my tryst shouldn't be kicked...my current lack of confidence makes me self preserve and not even go for something that i've been thinking about for a while...where's the logic?

and I been sucking on school too!!!!

I gotta get back on track, I don't know what has me acting all kinds of slackerish and loserish...but I gotta get it back!!!

HELP!!!

Friday Night

spending the night in the hizzous...

the old man is playing me and he knows it, i just gotta say stop touching me! cause even though i'm working on being the tortoise i have to say what i know is right, it's just that i kinda like it and no one else is paying me no attention...wha waaaa NOT! i can live by myself...I'm good, but i MUST stop giving into my libido!!! that is the purpose of my whole Friday night at the hizzous...home.alone...
laughing, cheesing, eating awful food and drinking champagne...i guess i'm going to call this wallowing and throw this out the window with the break of dawn!!!

gotta stop letting the hormones affect me

sooooo....I been on one, had a lot of penis in my face (for lack of a better phrase, that's for the homie DDub, lol)..
so of course those girl hormones get to going with thoughts of grandeur in one direction or another and then I slow down with everyone...maybe I become not as open, but regular...with Big D of course we flat out argue, but that's to be expected

so seeing as this is the new year, my first thought was the same...kick out the old, the Big D and keep a friend...

I can't be all these people's number 2, 3 or 4 I only need to be one somebodies number 1 and only...that's flat out the bottom line, I'm not selling myself short for it...if you can't committ I gotta acquit! LMAO

ok, it's late morning i worked all night and now I'm going to sleep, I need to log 45 minutes later and I gotta get ready for the workweek get gas, groceries and whatnot!! on my grind for the vacay!!!!

scattered

so again i'm nervous that what i want and what i did meet...i thought i gave this away, it's not a testement of faith, but that pit in the bottom of my stomach when the thought creeps...it's 4 hours before the alarm will sound and i'm UP!

my mind is scattered that's why things are getting to me as they are. i must settle my whole entire freaking world...i'm a MESS and not only because of the self sabatoge, but other things that are not as they should be...i need to get on track, school, work, sewing :D

saving is my focus of the right now, i've taken lunch every day for the last 2 week +...i'm getting it in...only .6 worth this week, but man oh man i have all week to do it again :D

just totally cheered myself up :D gonna go to bed after a period of meditation and prayer...being thankful for what i have acheived in the last 2+ weeks and the focus on the more i can do and will soon be doing as second nature...MORE means alot...more taking care of business, more school focus, more over all focus, more taking care of business...MORE...you know TK

going to bed now, to dream of that which i want and the path to getting it...business, financial, savings, house, man with .......********** everthing that God brings to me that's my biggest want! just cause i want doesn't mean i'm demanding, we have to want to get, to know how to achieve to have a focus, we want jobs, we want life...<<<~~~~not too sure what took me to the left (white guilt? , lmao) silly...

goodnight

back on track, challenges, new directions

so i'm working it out on point...exercising often and i'm HAPPY!!!

someone wanted to challenge me today at work, but no i'm not having it! walked away, said a prayer, cooled down and didn't let it get to me. but i did have to advise my sup it's time for him to make a move...i think he's very passive and doesn't want to get into stuff, but i really believe he starts mess...he don't like me and he's passive and scary...so idk, but i'm not letting it worry me...i prayed, and stayed outta the drama...did i mention i'm HAPPY!!!!

I'm thinking about doing something different...not sure the direction i will be taking, but it's going to be something interesting...I hope it helps propel my future business....I'm sure it will, i just must make it happen...but i also know i'm spread really thin right now, so i gotta chill, plot and plan

I am HAPPY!!! I have goals, and I must make them happen...I must keep prayerful and make sure I'm following the Lord's path and continue to ask for guidance and listen for the directions...tomorrow i'm going to weigh, haven't done that in 3 weeks, nervous, but I know I will have positive results!!

Goodnight world, the babbler is sleepy

self sabatoge

my impatience and maybe a little self pity allowed me to do something i really regret...not because of the act, or the person, but because of what else i want...i want something more and something better but i cheapened it for the right now, that gave no inkling or resemblance of the want...it was something but it wasn't comfort...
i have a hard time slowing down, i want things in my time, but i can't always have it in my time...I know that the behaviour i exhibited can affect my want for more, more might not want that impatient girl...so i must become patient and always work towards the wants not the right nows....right nows are many, wants are few and far between...
thankful that i can see the lesson, it's done, the consequences may come, but i pray they do not...I know that won't happen again...patience for the future is where my mind will stay

*** in much better news, the first Monday of the New Year had me see the gym and an evening short wii workout!!! ***

Happy New Year

Happy New Year!!! 1/1/2011....

Wow! 2010 was a great year and I know that awesome, wonderful and great things are coming up soon!!!! I'm feeling hopeful and I know that I am moving towards things that will help my career and my world and my life...I'm happy to be continuing to save so I can buy my home, to build a business and to continue to learn grow and to be pursuing health!

Pursuing all things is what I'm going to continue to do...

Last night...
I opted to stay home, then I thought about having company, that fell through, but I still wanna kick it with him....I'm such a girl!!! blah...it's Saturday night, I worked early today and will again tomorrow...I'm tired...so I'm going to lay it down as I watch a little Game marathon! yippeee for cable, that I wanna cancel cause it's not helping me save!!!! Well as always I have things to work on...

Good night peeps...new year...keep on pushing, learning, pursuing life every day!!!!

Well at least since the last time I blogged on 12/23/10 I have been 100% on point!!!! so I'm moving slowly, but surely in the right direction...I still have PLENTY of work to do...slowly, surely