I was driving home from work, just rushing, I'm off my schedule working late nights but I have a TON of homework and I was up and out all night at work last night, so I just really wanted to be home after work tonight...YOu know how driving is, sometimes mindless, sometimes thought provoking...well, I was thinking a hundred miles and running tonight, I had ALOT on my mind....
So I am thinking about Big D...and then I don't know why or where it came from, but I started thinking about a birthday that I had with him...
My birthday is near, I am on COUNTDOWN! for more reasons than JUST my birthday this year...last year on my birthday I quit smoking and this year, I expect something just as life altering that's why I am taking the solo vacay...I need to have some downtime just to BE, be in myself, be with myself not even to reflect but more to RELEASE...I don't think I need to do anything to let go of what I have other than just being still for sometime with MYSELF....I need some ME TIME!!!!
I suppose my impending birthday celebration made me reflective. My mind wandered to a birthday I spent with Big D at the Atlantis in Reno, our favorite casino...cause I wanted a nice dinner with a bottle of wine and some birthday sex...but actually it took itself in a whole other direction. I totally recounted it on the way home, and I don't really care to again right now...but I remember, remember a mean person that just really can be shitty even on a mfer's birthday...I mean come on if someone can't have a great freaking birthday....GEEZE...what an azz...
So that will be the factor that focuses my mind on RELEASE...and I think that Big D is going to be invasive in my life for a little long while and I'm just going to deal with it...I'm over it, I know that mean guy, don't break yourself away from your crazy life, but guess what I have nothing to do with it...I'M ON TO THE NEXT ONE
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